How You Can Improve Any Relationship Today

Yes, you can improve upon the quality of any relationship you may have, starting today. There is a certain type of skill you must learn for this, and I finally just figured it out this past year. I had an actual "light bulb" moment. And it all started with me. My ego.

Now anybody that really knows me, will tell you I can be totally oblivious to what is going on around me. Larry will ask me, "Honey did you see that crazy hat that kid was wearing next to us?" Um, no.

Or my sister can be in the car stopped at the red light right next to me, honking and waving her arms at me. Um, again, no.

If I go with my youngest son to the grocery store, he won't even let me push the cart around, because he claims I get in way of everyone, and block all aisles. Lost in thought, not paying attention to my surroundings.

Seems like I am always lost in thought, somewhere in my own mind.

Which leads me to the other side of me. When I would be in a conversation with someone, I could see, or truth be told, my ego thought it could see, where the conversation was headed, and what they would say next. So I would jump ahead, interrupt, and totally either put my two cents in, or answer a question that they hadn't even gotten around to asking me yet. Pretty rude huh?

Here lies the light bulb moment. In one defining moment I became suddenly aware of this pattern, and realized I did this all the time with most one-on-one conversations. How did I finally see this? By an expression of hurt and anger on Larry's face. He was relaying something about his day, and I wasn't fully listening to him. Instead I was caught up in what I was going to say. I had been continuously interrupting him. And I realized in that moment, looking at him, that I was pushing him away. And I also had to acknowledge that I had seen that look on his face many other times too.

The reality is, if I'm jumping ahead and cutting the other person's words off, then I'm not really listening am I? I did that to Larry so many times in the beginning of our relationship. It took me finally admitting to myself, for the first time, that the anger and hurt in Larry's eyes, was due to me. My behavior was the cause. I was making him feel inferior, and not important. As in what he was trying to relay to me didn't matter.

Once I became aware of this ugly habit of mine, I started noticing it all the more. With everyone. What an eye opening discovery. I was a chronic interrupter.

This turned out to be great discovery, because it's only when you really become fully aware of a problem, can you take steps to solve the problem. I made the decision to stop this habit. I needed to practice the skill of keeping my mouth shut. No matter what. Instead I would turn my full and complete attention to Larry when he was talking to me. I would let him talk until he was finished. And because I had already made the decision to not interrupt him, I found listening to him really easy. Not only easy, but I actually felt closer to him.

And the interesting outcome of this, is that he and I immediately became much better friends. When you turn your whole attention to another, and really stop and listen to what they are saying, the whole experience of communication is different. I could feel myself becoming calmer. Nothing was expected of me. Just listening.

It has been close to a year since I made the decision to become a great listener. Our relationship has become very close. He feels better. I feel better. This extends to all my communication with people. I listen and don't interrupt. Put my ego in check.

Even if you don't have the bad habit of interrupting like I did, try and take what I say to heart. Let others have their moments. Everyone wants to be heard. It will improve all your relationships, and you will be surprised at how much you can learn from their words.

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Road Trip With Mom - Ten Daughterly Things to Do (Or Not)

When my mother was seventy-eight she moved from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I also live, to Sun City, Arizona. Now I fly to Arizona to see her, and we use her home as a launching pad for road trips where we catch up, renew and forge those tender, tenuous and paradoxically deeply rooted mother-daughter bonds. We've traveled south to Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument and Nogales, Mexico, north to Sedona, Prescott and Winslow, east to Greer, and down to Tucson and Tombstone. They have all been good trips, though not without their small traumas. In the spirt of wishing all grown daughters well, I pass along what I have learned to help others who are unaccustomed to, perhaps frightened by, even temporarily, "living 24-7 with Mother again."

1. If, upon your arrival and before you leave on the trip, she asks you, the young technological genius in the room, to fix her telephone so it will again take messages, read the instruction book like you never have read an instruction book before to figure it out. One press of a button could keep you a genius to her and starts the trip on a good note.

2. The aging tummy can be especially sensitive to food preferences. Never let your restaurant choice trump your mother's. If she says, "Oh, that one has such cute curtains," reply with, "Bet that means they'd have great grub, what do you think?" It's better to recall that look of motherly scorn she gave your high school report card when she reads the menu while seated in her restaurant choice. It's also easier to leave the restaurant and drive to one you saw.

3. If, after the inspection of a hotel room, she hints another pillow would be nice, or perhaps another blanket would be comfy, call housekeeping immediately. Better to do that at 6:00 p.m. than be roused by her constant movements to "be comfy" at 3:00 a.m.

4. Never flatly refuse to eat offered food. She may be eighty while you are a daughterly age younger and you may feel like you have eaten eight meals in two days, but it is still best to lift your eyebrow, take a morsel and say, "Yum."

5. If she flirts like a raging hormonal she-bear with the waiter, remember it's her vacation, too.

6. Refrain from sounding like your nine-year-old whiny self. When she jumps in her passenger seat and lets out an animal survival gurgle because the car to her right that you saw surprised her, don't whine, "But I saw it." Perhaps "What a jerk of a driver he is," in practiced alto would work better.

7. When she tells groundskeepers to water their plants more often or hostesses that their skin would look much rosier wearing green than that yellow, remember--you wouldn't be such a perfect human being yourself, if she wasn't your mother.

8. Should you find yourself shopping for clothes as souvenirs of such a grand trip, appreciate but do not buy the sailor suit she holds up to you and declares would be so cute on you. Who else would still think of you as young and adorable in a sailor suit? Certainly not the sales clerk who coughs and none too graciously covers her smile with her hand.

9. If she offers to make an egg salad or tuna sandwich to take to the airport, take it. Planes get delayed and an airport meal costs as much as the entree you had at a nice restaurant the night before.

10. If it's been a while since you've given her a full-on hug, take the time. You may be surprised how that woman who loomed so large in your childhood when you were a demanding baby, a whiny kid, a hormonal raging teenage she-bear, is now little, cuddly, and cute.

Rebecca is an author, speaker and writing guide for adults. Her blog of occasional reason is at http://www.thewritingwaters.wordpress.com/. Recently, she finished a memoir and self-help book, Blossoms of the Lower Branches, a Hero's Journey Through Grief. She shows how recovery and returning to a satisfying productive life is a classic struggle of heroic proportions through comparisons in myth, fairy tale, literature and contemporary life. Her website is http://www.rebeccaguevara.com/.

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Turn Destructive Thoughts Into Positive Action

For some reason I can't get destructive thinking out of my head. Probably because it ruled my life for a very long time.

We talked about mind chatter last week.

If you look back at the beginning of my story, I made it obvious that I didn't know how things could get any worse for me. In the summer of 1999, I developed major depression. Once I was diagnosed, all I could think about were negative things associated with depression.

How was depression going to affect my job? What would my family and friends think? Did my depression show? Was I going to have to be on psychotropic drugs all of my life? What could those drugs do to me? Get the picture!

I have mentioned before I chose to take charge of my life in the spring of 2009. The two things I stated working on right away were my health and my career. With regard to my health, I made the choice to treat my depression with natural supplements. I didn't have as clear a path when it came to my career, but I realized I had to make a change. The changed was pushed along when I got laid off from my job in July of 2009.

However, my destructive thinking continued on a grand scale. Even though the natural supplements helped me get over the depression, I still struggled. I second-guessed everything and felt as though every mistake I made or every setback I had was earth-shattering.

Here's an example. In April 2010, I had a traffic accident. It was my fault. Rather than accepting my mistake and telling myself to learn from it, I beat myself up terribly. It was all I could think about for the longest time. I'm a terrible person because I had an accident. It didn't matter traffic accidents happen to people daily. I just knew I was terrible. I just knew I was stupid.

Today, I notice something different. Those destructive thoughts don't happen as frequently. Now, I replace those thoughts with questions. I ask myself what can I learn from situations. I don't let myself go down the path of destruction.

It's actually become kind of fun. Depending on the thought or circumstance, sometimes I'll do a little chuckle inside.

I notice now I feel happier and fewer negative things happen. It's becoming much easier to accept and enjoy who I am!

It's not positive thinking. It's more related to what learn from a situation. Dani Johnson expresses it so well when she says it's not what happens, it's how we react and handle what happens.

I really notice that I'm telling myself things are OK. If I mess up, I tell myself I'll try and not do that again.

Something else Dani Johnson has taught us: I don't know. All I know is when I don't have the negative thoughts, I feel a whole lot better!

The point I'm trying to make is try asking questions. Like, what can I learn from this? What can I do to lessen the chances of it happening again? What can I do to improve?

I'm no doctor, but I now believe my constant destructive reactions to life events contributed to my depression. That and the resulting negative mind chatter where I would remind myself of previous negative experiences.

Phil Holleman spent 10 years struggling with major depression. After realizing he had the knowledge and strength to rise above the illness and stigma associated with it, he created http://www.aboldnewlife.com/ to help others who are recovering or desperately want to recover from depression. He hopes you will join him on the journey and use your inner strength to free yourself from the bondage.

He would like to give you a free special report, "7 Mistakes You Make When You Suffer From Depression." So, please visit http://www.aboldnewlife.com/.

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The Pink Wedding Dress

Wearing a colored dress, perhaps, breaks the traditional wedding dress code and adopts a more modern wedding dress style. Many brides are now selecting more contemporary colors as compared to traditional wedding dresses, which are usually white or ivory. Wedding dress colors can range from a small accent sash to red and even black wedding dresses.

Wedding gowns traditionally are white because this color symbolized purity. This was a throw back from centuries back and color is just a representation. What is important is that on your wedding day you look good and feel comfortable with your wedding attire. Pink dresses have become one of the most popular dresses for weddings. Pink is also a favorite of many women. It is feminine and it exemplifies romance, sweetness and love.

A-listers have recently taken to the color pink for their wedding gowns. Reese Witherspoon wore a pink wedding gown when she married Jim Toth. Gwen Stefani wore a pink gown when she married Gavin Rossdale. Victoria Beckham also wore a pink colored wedding gown on her big day.

You may get some unusual attention from your guests when you wear a hot pink dress on your wedding day. The reason could either be, they love the color of your dress or they may think you are breaking the traditional wedding. Whatever they are thinking, the most important thing is that you love the way you look, and you feel comfortable with your gown.

Pink has different shades to choose from. Fuchsia, hot pink or dark pink for darker shades; light pink or baby pink for lighter shades. For women with fair skin tones, many shades of pink will surely fit your complexion. For women with darker skin tones, light colored shades will look good on your skin. If you have light colored skin, then light shades will not be good for you, but darker shades will work well.

If you want to save money when buying your wedding gown, you might be in luck. Fortunately pink dresses are abundant in the formal attire section or evening dress section of many stores, where dresses are less expensive than in the wedding section. Most of the wedding dresses are quite expensive, especially the white ones, so choosing a pink wedding dress, might actually save you money.

Pink is the "new white" for wedding dress colors and there are many ways to incorporate this color into the gown. If you love pink then go for a pink dress or if you want to still have the traditional look, just add shades of pink to your white wedding dress. This will also look good and will surely be lovely as you walk down the aisle.

Visit Julie Carlson and LovelyWeddingConfetti for information about pink bridesmaids dresses.
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