Yes, you can improve upon the quality of any relationship you may have, starting today. There is a certain type of skill you must learn for this, and I finally just figured it out this past year. I had an actual "light bulb" moment. And it all started with me. My ego.
Now anybody that really knows me, will tell you I can be totally oblivious to what is going on around me. Larry will ask me, "Honey did you see that crazy hat that kid was wearing next to us?" Um, no.
Or my sister can be in the car stopped at the red light right next to me, honking and waving her arms at me. Um, again, no.
If I go with my youngest son to the grocery store, he won't even let me push the cart around, because he claims I get in way of everyone, and block all aisles. Lost in thought, not paying attention to my surroundings.
Seems like I am always lost in thought, somewhere in my own mind.
Which leads me to the other side of me. When I would be in a conversation with someone, I could see, or truth be told, my ego thought it could see, where the conversation was headed, and what they would say next. So I would jump ahead, interrupt, and totally either put my two cents in, or answer a question that they hadn't even gotten around to asking me yet. Pretty rude huh?
Here lies the light bulb moment. In one defining moment I became suddenly aware of this pattern, and realized I did this all the time with most one-on-one conversations. How did I finally see this? By an expression of hurt and anger on Larry's face. He was relaying something about his day, and I wasn't fully listening to him. Instead I was caught up in what I was going to say. I had been continuously interrupting him. And I realized in that moment, looking at him, that I was pushing him away. And I also had to acknowledge that I had seen that look on his face many other times too.
The reality is, if I'm jumping ahead and cutting the other person's words off, then I'm not really listening am I? I did that to Larry so many times in the beginning of our relationship. It took me finally admitting to myself, for the first time, that the anger and hurt in Larry's eyes, was due to me. My behavior was the cause. I was making him feel inferior, and not important. As in what he was trying to relay to me didn't matter.
Once I became aware of this ugly habit of mine, I started noticing it all the more. With everyone. What an eye opening discovery. I was a chronic interrupter.
This turned out to be great discovery, because it's only when you really become fully aware of a problem, can you take steps to solve the problem. I made the decision to stop this habit. I needed to practice the skill of keeping my mouth shut. No matter what. Instead I would turn my full and complete attention to Larry when he was talking to me. I would let him talk until he was finished. And because I had already made the decision to not interrupt him, I found listening to him really easy. Not only easy, but I actually felt closer to him.
And the interesting outcome of this, is that he and I immediately became much better friends. When you turn your whole attention to another, and really stop and listen to what they are saying, the whole experience of communication is different. I could feel myself becoming calmer. Nothing was expected of me. Just listening.
It has been close to a year since I made the decision to become a great listener. Our relationship has become very close. He feels better. I feel better. This extends to all my communication with people. I listen and don't interrupt. Put my ego in check.
Even if you don't have the bad habit of interrupting like I did, try and take what I say to heart. Let others have their moments. Everyone wants to be heard. It will improve all your relationships, and you will be surprised at how much you can learn from their words.
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