You've tried to deny it. He's not really going to leave. She's not really at the point where the love is gone. But the evidence kept mounting. What used to feel warm and close now seems cold and distant. The last thing you want to do is give this person up, but it now appears that the decision is not yours.
You are nearing the end of the denial stage, but you're certainly not in the acceptance stage. Your feelings vacillate between numb and pain with just enough hope to raise the possibility they you want lose the one you need so much. You're hooked. You're an addict and you don't even know it.
Love is a drug. Taken properly as prescribed by a knowledgeable physician love can make you whole. All aspects of your life, emotional, physical, and even financial will be better. A bad love, like a bad drug will drain you emotionally and physically. It will eat at your very soul. Losing someone you love is like trying to quit a most powerful drug "cold turkey".
If your partner "broke up" with you, it is very likely that you did not want the breakup. To complicate the issue even more, your ex, to some extent may still be a part of your life. Perhaps you were married and there are children, and visitation rights. Maybe you lived together and have property to be divided. Maybe you even work together
As long as that person is still around, there is the temptation to think that you two could reconcile. As you push forward in the dark shadow of sad fog that has now become your life, no thought makes you heart feel more hope, than the thought that maybe that person you have lost would come back to you. As long as you are living with the faintest hope that your lost love will return to you, you will NEVER get well.
So you have to answer a question. You must be honest. You must answer based on fact and not on what you "hope" will happen. The question is this. Is the any realistic chance that your love can be rekindled and you two will reconcile?
It has happened. I've seen marriages that went all the way to divorce, and somehow the couples involved were able to forgive, put the past in the past and rebuild their marriage. So now, what about you? Is there any chance you and you ex can reconcile your differences? How do you arrive at an honest answer?
Here are a few questions that will help you arrive at correct answer.
1. Why did you breakup? Does your ex think that the grass is going to be greener on the other side? If that's the reason, he/she will soon find that there is no perfect person and no perfect relationship.
2. Was there infidelity. Oddly enough, it's just as likely that the person who was unfaithful is the one who wants the breakup. If that's the case, do you really want them back? (Other than to torture them... but that's a whole other subject) If you were the unfaithful one...Well, what did you expect?
3. Did You Unconsciously ASK for the Breakup? - Say What? Yes it's true. Many people who are happy in their relationship slowly write their ticket out without even knowing it. Did you complain all the time? Were you uninterested in your mate's interests? Did you ignore them emotionally, or physically? A lot of people wake up one day and find that their mate has been packing their bags a piece at a time for years. Then they're surprised when they finally leave. There is a little bit of good news here. If it hasn't gone too far, there's a fair chance they their leaving is just a VERY LOUD cry for help. If you recognize it for what it is, and are willing to give them the attention they need, you might be able to win them back.
4. Just how far gone are they? This is perhaps the most important question. Are they "seriously" seeing someone else? I say seriously, because it's not all that uncommon for freshly "freed" people to immediately seek someone else. Just because they spent some time with another person doesn't mean that they have found someone who could replace you. But...My Friend, if they have found someone who makes them happy and who likes them too, the odds are against you ever getting them back. At this point it might be best to accept the truth, and move forward with your own healing.
In our next writing we will look ar ways to speed up healing after a breakup.
R K Green is a writer at The Online Info Depot. We invite you to join us for more at http://www.theonlineinfodepot.com/
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